Kabus means nightmare

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This post is about being worried in Kadiköy. I am wearing a Santa hat, and I go and get a wheel and my hat repaired.

Am I an optimist or a pessimist? I am not sure.

On the one hand you have to be an optimist – even to the point of being naive – in order to even attempt a walk like this. But on the other hand I feel like I am often scared of my own optimism. Deep down I might feel like things will work out, but I’m not quite ready to admit it.

Wonder why I always say that I’m trying to walk from China back to my home in Germany?

I don’t want to jinx things.

the crushing

So today I took a walk down to the Bosphorus, and I looked at the Sea Of Marmara and the ferries and the tankers, and I felt crushed. Completely and utterly crushed. If the bridge plan failed for whatever reason, then there was no other way.

The water would swallow the Caboose and me whole and that would be it. Or one of the ferries would take us to the other side, and our soulless hulls would continue the walk, forever moaning and complaining and whining about the Bridge Problem.

what if

I petted a cat, and it made me feel a bit better. Then I had lunch in a hipster restaurant. Oh, and I took one of the wheels of the Caboose to a bike shop to get repaired for our big day tomorrow. I also took my hat to a tailor. He told me to pick it up in a few days, which was fine. I had my Santa hat for now.

Then I went to bed with my worries.

What if something went wrong?

Something always went wrong.

What if.


Went wrong.

“Kabus” meant nightmare in Turkish – and in Farsi.


The Sea of Marmara:

The Sea Of Marmara, seen by a person who is worried in Kadiköy

Cat in Kadıköy:

the cat does not care that I am worried in Kadiköy

Vegetarian hipster dish:

vegetarian hipster dish

Worried in Kadiköy, wearing a Santa hat:

Worried in Kadiköy, wearing a Santa hat

To the bike shop:

to the bike shop

Hat at the tailor:

hat at the tailor

Kabus means nightmare:

Kabus means nightmare

  • John

    You ARE walking from China to Germany. You ARE trying to complete your dream. You ARE living your dream. And the dream is not a nightmare, it’s simply full of the unknown and the unknowable.


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