A Story Of Regret: Part II

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This post is about a walk from a shelter near Camalti to Cide. It’s the second and closing part of this story of regret.

The shelter turned out to be perfect. It was a little house with windows and a door, and next to it there was a water faucet, a toilet, and a separate prayer room. I slept right next to the Caboose, and I loved it.

But guess who was there when I went outside to brush my teeth? Yes, the dogs. They had been waiting all night, hoping that I would somehow change my mind and give them some more of those beans.

how it should have been

I felt terrible for them. They were good doggos, they hadn’t eaten in a long time, they were skinny, and the night had been cold. And yet here they were, putting their trust in me, the Bean God™, to make things right and cause beans in red sauce to magically appear.

I wished I could play with them for a little while, pet them, tell them they were good girls and boys, and then put a bunch of food in some place for them – and leave. But that would have only made it worse. It would have made them follow me around forever.

how it was

So I didn’t do any of those nice things. Instead I yelled at them to fuck off, and I continued to throw little rocks in their direction. But they kept following me.

And I noticed something heartbreaking about them: they would make whimpering sounds even though my rocks never really hit them. They knew exactly what it meant when people threw things at them. It meant pain. These dogs had been conditioned for pain.

And so they left a distance between themselves and me. But they didn’t give up. They kept following me, and every time I stopped to yell at them or throw some more rocks they turned around and waited until I was done. Then they continued to follow me.

the hatred

I slowly started hating the dogs. Why did they have to be so desperate? Why hadn’t they gone back to the puppies? Why were they so suicidal on the road? Why had they picked me of all people?

And little by little a new idea crept into my mind: at this point they must have known that we weren’t friends, right? And I probably looked pretty pathetic to them when I was pulling the Caboose up those inclines.

What if they were just waiting for me to collapse so they could eat whatever food I had on me?


how it’s done

When I arrived in a village I went into a shop to stock up on hot water and supplies: tomatoes, cheese, bread, a can of cola. The shop owner, an old man with a mustache, noticed the dogs following me around and shook his head.

Then he did what needed to be done, and what I didn’t have the heart to do: he picked up a two-by-four and threw it at them, cursing. Then he ran after it, picked it up and threw it again. All while relentlessly cursing. He did this for a few minutes, then they were gone.

I thanked him and continued walking, wondering if the dogs would find me.

They never did.

and the regret

The rest of the day I walked in peace. When I saw a cow I didn’t have to worry, when I saw other dogs I didn’t have to worry, and when a vehicle came in my direction I only had to worry that it didn’t hit me or the Caboose. I was happy.

But as I came close to the town of Cide in the night, I started feeling terrible for those poor doggos. They were somewhere out there, hungry and skinny and cold and very far from the place they were used to. All they had ever gotten from humans were curses and objects thrown in their direction.

And I understood that the reason why they had decided to follow me was because I had been friendly to them in the beginning, even giving them that one bag of beans. It had been enough to convince them that I would always be kind to them.

But as it turned out, I wasn’t. I was selfish just like everyone else.

I hadn’t even given them names.


Inside the shelter near Camalti:

Inside the shelter near Camalti

The shelter:

shelter near Camalti

The doggos in the distance:

Turkish street dogs

The road to walk from Camalti to Cide:

The road to walk from Camalti to Cide

Resting on the Caboose:

resting on the Caboose

Road bend:

road from Camalti to Cide

Shop owner in Sakalli:

Shop owner in Sakalli

Village shop:

shop in Sakalli

More of the road to walk from Camalti to Cide:

road near Cide

Village mosque:

village mosque between Camalti and Cide


sunset near Cide

Nightly walk to Cide:

road to walk from Camalti to Cide

  • Kevin Chambers

    That’s a hard situation but you are so correct. Animals suffer at our hands constantly – but dogs have been bred to be human companions over thousands of years. We often disappoint them.


  • Benjamin K.

    Do you insist, that the weight of the world should be on your shoulders?


  • Lathan K

    Ok, I must admit, this story broke me. I know you had to do what you had to do and move on. I just feel bad for these poor animals who are abandoned all over the world. Wish I had a superpower to save them and give them all a good home 🙁


  • Bruce Lee

    “Road bend” 我拿来当电脑桌面了 🙂


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